i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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