I wanna bring you to show and tell
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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