If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
