return my video game
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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