I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
