my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
