I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
