He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
