he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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