I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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