youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
