I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The air was thick with penises
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize