It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
