Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
