I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
