I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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