Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
