he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
