all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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