just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
