In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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