if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
