His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
