that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
