i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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