Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
