I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize