Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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