His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
