You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
