Umm I'm too high to move.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
