Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
