if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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