she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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