I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
