3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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