The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have post one night stand depression
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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