Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It's like God shit irony all over that family
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
