i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize