First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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