My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
