Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
