PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
