Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
