btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
