The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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