possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
