Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
