Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
