im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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