I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
