I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
