Already got asked if we're dating
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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