We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
