How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
