He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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