I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
