direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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