While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
