Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
