I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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