If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize