I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
