There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
