Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
